A few months ago, I was hundreds of miles away from home for work. Our employer had paired us up with random roommates in a giant hotel that was connected by a walkway to the convention center in which we would be working for the next seven days. It was like living in a giant habitrail sweatshop. And since we flew out and arrived on a Saturday, I was already tired from working all week.
The stress of traveling was typical- long lines, crowded planes, bumpy take-off. I was pleased, however, to find that my roommate was a decent enough fellow. The food was awful, but it was free. I had done this the year before, and there were no surprises. Yet, in spite of the fact that I was tired from working and traveling, I only got three hours of sleep on my first night.
The workday was long, but not so bad. I did my best to offset all the time I had spent sitting during the day by running a few miles after work. And yet, later that night, I did not sleep a wink.
The next day I managed to make it through the day. After work, I was determined to get on a normal sleep schedule, so I avoided taking a nap and went to the drugstore to purchase some over the counter sleep aids, benadryl and melatonin. After making my purchases, I went running again, and I treated myself to a filling dinner and a glass of wine at a restaurant. Later that night, my roomate and I watched an old movie until about midnight, after which time we decided to turn off the lights and get some sleep. He was sawing logs in a few minutes. But despite the fact that I was exhausted, I couldn't fall asleep.
If I was had been at home, I would have turned on the television or began reading, but I didn't want to wake up my roommate. I had already taken a melatonin capsule, but I decided to take another one and I downed the benadryl. The hours passed. I didn't sleep a wink that night either.
I won't go into anymore detail about the next day, except that I finally collapsed before lunch. I was diagnosed by the medics as having a stomach virus. I knew that wasn't right, so I saw a doctor. I pleaded with him for something to help me sleep. He refused to give me a sleep aid, and instead wrote me a script for something to help settle my stomach.
I was able to get some sleep that night, but the next night I tossed and turned again. Finally, I decided to knock myself out with booze for the remainder of the trip. The over-the-counter sleep aids where completely useless. Where drugs and hormones failed, bourbon whiskey triumphed.
If this episode taught me anything, it was that insomnia is almost always caused by the inability to relax. Melatonin doesn't help me relax. Benadryl makes me drowsy, but it doesn't help me relax. Jack Daniels, on the other hand, definitely helps me relax. Sometimes, it also makes me want to hoot and holler, and let out a big rebel yell. It doesn't warn you about that on the label, but it should.
If only booze didn't cause hangovers and carry so many other health risks, I would say problem solved. However, I'm not of the age when I can afford to have four or five whiskeys every night after work. So what to do? I believe the long term solution for me is to learn to relax without the help of any substance. I'm still working on that. In the meantime, here is a short list of sleep aids, tested or witnessed by me, ranked in the order of effectiveness.
Ativan, Temazepan, and other benzodiazepines- The gold standard for treating insomnia, I have found that these little pills will take me to sleepytown without fail. Unfortunately, they're highly addictive. Take one every night for a week and then try to stop, and you'll see what I mean. Another drawback is that doctors are understandably stingy with these. Go through a bottle too fast, and you might find yourself cut off. Still, as a temporary solution to insomnia, the tranquilizers do their job like nothing else.
Ambian- I've never taken this myself, but I did date a girl once who took them regularly. They made her loopy as hell, and she was somewhat fogged-over for a few hours the next morning. Still, they eventually knocked her out. Evidently, they're not as addictive as the benzos, but doctors are still pretty stingy with them. From what I've seen, I would rather stick with the tranquilizers. Ambian is actually a hallucinogen, and I have no idea if it's effects are pleasant or unpleasant.
Booze- Yes, good old fashioned booze sometimes does the trick. There's a sweet spot that you have to hit, however. Too little, and you'll end up wide-awake with a full bladder. Too much, and well...you might decide to steal a police car, sleep with a stranger, or both. Also, there's the hangover, which sometimes can be worse than getting no sleep at all. Unfortunately, when insomnia strikes in the middle of the night, I am faced with a cost-benefit analysis that usually disqualifies drinking a bottle of wine at 3:30 am.
Benadryl- Really, the only time this crap makes me sleepy is when I have a cold. Chances are, it's really the virus that's making me feel like my veins are full of Log Cabin syrup and not this weak antihistamine. I've taken this before out of desperation, but it only seems to make me have to pee every ten minutes. Like too much booze, it can also raise your blood pressure. I'm not a big fan.
Valerian- I don't know if this stuff works. I find drinking it as a
tea with a little honey before bedtime to be mildly soothing, but it
definitely won't knock you out if you are looking for something to shut
down your brain for a few hours.
Trazadone- Doctors sometimes prescribe this ancient antidepressant for insomnia because one of its side effects is supposedly drowsiness. Didn't make me drowsy at all. What it did do, however, was make my sinuses swell up so that I found it impossible to breath out of my nose. In my opinion, this stuff is garbage.
Melatonin- Some people swear by this. A hormone that is associated with our body's natural sleep rhythm, this stuff is supposed to tell your body that it's time to shut down. For me, however, melatonin is slightly less effective than Pez.
That's it folks. I'll let you know how the relaxation techniques work.
